#30 Mary Anne and the Great Romance (or as I like to think of it, Mary Anne and the Shotgun Wedding)

Ok, so I’m Rachel and I was supposed to have the snark before Tory’s, but my oldest had to have an emergency appendectomy so I’ve been a bit busy.  Tory’s would have made more sense if I had since I’m doing the book before.  This isn’t my favorite book; it’s not even in the top 20, but Tory wanted to do hers, so I volunteered for this one.  How thoughtful and sensitive of me…. 

The book starts with dialogue. Mary Anne and Dawn having dinner together again because their parents are out on a date again.  Turns out they’ve been dating each other exclusively as of late.  We get their tumultuous history as Dawn and Mary Anne eat and clean up.  When they’re in Dawn’s room, Mary Anne describes the secret passage way and the ghost of Jared Mullray who (supposedly) haunts it. We have some massive foreshadowing as Mary Anne says she feels the most safe and comfortable when she’s in her own bed, in her own room, in her own house that she’s lived in forever.  Then the phone rings and lo and behold, it’s Kristy!  What better way to transition into the chapter two descriptions than with a sort of random phone call from the club president herself?

At the next day’s BSC meeting, the subplot is introduced with a call from Mrs. Arnold, the mother of the infamous Arnold twins.  Mary Anne gets the job and when she arrives to sit, she finds only Marilyn home; Carolyn is out with friends, which makes Marilyn a little lonely.  She tells Mary Anne about her new friend, Gozzie Kunka, who is from a foreign country and has lived all over because her father is a dignitary.  Mary Anne has no reason to believe this friend is not real and assumes she is.  Carolyn arrives home and immediately Marilyn accuses her of having friends who are snobs, spurring an argument.  The girls don’t talk much after that and the job ends.

Mary Anne arrives home and starts dinner. Her father comes in a few minutes later and suggests they invite Dawn over.  Over dinner, he suggests a surprise birthday party for Mrs. Schafer, small, just the three of them.  Mary Anne wonders why he’s making such a big deal about it since it’s not a “big” birthday, but starts thinking about what to get her as a present, since Dawn knows she’s getting her mom a day planner (seriously?  You can’t do better than that for your mother?).  Dawn, to be perfectly honest, isn’t all that helpful; she just shoots down Mary Anne’s ideas, saying it’s hard to explain, they are just so close, blah, blah, blah (remember that when Dawn decides to move back to Cali).  Things are awkward for a moment, then Mary Anne tells the Gozzie Kunka story and the fight is over. Yay, puppies, flowers blooming, butterscotch pudding and all that jazz.

Jessi has the next babysitting chapter, sitting for the Braddock kids.  Matt Braddock is deaf, but Jessi is versed in sign language and his sister Haley is fluent.  She’s also one of Carolyn’s new friends and they get together with the Pikes and play a game called Sardines, which sounds like a lot of fun.  Is it just me, or are people always going to other people’s houses when they’re sitting?  When my kids are sitting or being sat, they stay put...I’m not totally comfortable with them wandering all over or having friends over when my son is sitting, the whole liability thing and it’s not really fair to him either.  I digress, just like this chapter.  It’s really just there to point out that Marilyn and Carolyn aren’t really getting along.

Mary Anne sits for the Arnolds again and it’s a rainy day, an argumenty day, the girls driving each other nuts nit picking.  Mary Anne gets out a game and they play calmly for awhile until Carolyn flings an insult and they both storm off to their room.  Mary Anne tries to get them to talk to each other, tells them they’re sisters, they love each other, but all they are fixated on is that they want to be apart.  Marilyn puts a tape line down the middle of the room and they refuse to talk it out.  Mary Anne makes them take the tape down and then she heads for home. 

Oh, oh!  It’s the night of the big birthday surprise and Mary Anne and Dawn get dressed before their meeting so as not to waste any time after.  It’s a good thing too, or else they wouldn’t have had those 30 minutes to kill before it was time to leave.  They get to the restaurant, Sharon is surprised, everything is going well and here comes the cake!  On it is an engagement ring!  Holy diamond, Batman!  They’re getting married!  And they’ve known about it for awhile!  (Were you planning on telling the kids, or just moving their stuff in little by little?). Dawn says omg, we’re stepsisters, Mary Anne cries and happiness reigns.  They give Sharon her presents.  Mary Anne’s present is a charm replica of SHS’s high school class ring (seems more like something Dawn would get her, and the planner Mary Anne) and Dawn doesn’t seem too too thrilled about her mother’s response to the gift, putting a damper on the evening.  Later on, Mary Anne starts to wonder just how they are going to combine such different families, about how Sharon doesn’t like cats and what a neatnik her father is.  She then decides those are small potatoes and thinks instead about having a real live sister.  FORESHADOWING!! 

Dawn and Mary Anne tell everyone about the wedding at the next BSC meeting and Mary Anne slips Kristy a note telling her they’ll always be best friends.  Then they start talking about the Arnold girls and how they’re fighting and angry with each other.  Now, remember these points made in 11 and 13 year old wisdom: 1. Brothers and sisters don’t always get along.  That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.  2. The girls are changing and their differences and interests might be in line more with one parent or the other’s personality.  3. Kristy mentions that her mom and Watson sided with their step-kids right after they got married to make their new kids like them.  Dawn and Mary Anne, are you listening??  (I don’t think so, because Dawn and Kristy have to have a conversation about this again in the next book.).

The next chapter is a Kristy sitting for her siblings chapter and the only interesting thing that happens is that Charlie buys the Junk Bucket.  Yawn.

Dawn and Mary Anne start planning for the wedding, conveniently forgetting their parents said “small”.  In BSC land, these kids are always planning their families’ weddings/birthdays/trips without really asking their parents about it.  As a mother, that would annoy the snot out of me.  Anyway, after they offload their ideas, there are two adults with food falling out of their mouths and crickets singing in the background.  Sharon and Richard announce they’re going to a justice of the peace.  The girls beg for a small church wedding and the parents give in.  I wish they would have stuck to the JoP, just so these girls would take it easy with the planning nonsense.  Mary Anne and Dawn go upstairs to hang out in Mary Anne’s room, gushing about being sisters when Dawn drops the bombshell that Mary Anne and Richard are moving into the Schafer house.  Mary Anne bursts a blood vessel yelling at Dawn about things Dawn has not control over and Richard and Sharon run upstairs.  Schafers head for home, Dawn crying, and Richard has a talk with Mary Anne.  Richard confesses it was his idea to wait because he knew she’d be upset about moving and he lays out all the reasons why it makes more sense to live in the Schafer house.  In the last post, Tory made a good point about combining assets and buying a new house together, a house they could make their own as a new family.  It’s not like the house is a mansion or something.  It’s a house with a barn.  If Sharon’s credit was awful, have Richard buy it and add her name later with a Quit Claim Deed.  Either way, it was pretty rotten not to have the girls in on the discussion at all.

Mary Anne’s rotten mood continues at her sitting job with the Arnolds, but she has the genius to suggest separate rooms and suddenly the girls’ problems are solved and they love each other again.  Boy do I wish it was just that easy!  It’s a good thing Mrs. Arnold is on board with the whole room switching around thing.  It would really suck if Mary Anne promised them they could have separate rooms and Mom came home and said, “no, the sewing room is staying a sewing room.”  Mary Anne should think about this experience before agreeing to room with Dawn.  I roomed with my best friend for the first two months of college before I moved out, short some clothes and a best friend.  Lesson learned: don’t room with your best friend.

Stacy sits for them after the great move and gets to see the redecorated rooms.  Carolyn and Marilyn are friendly again and Carolyn invites her sister to play with her and her friends and even extends the invitation to Gozzie Kunka.  Stacy is then hit with the thought that Gozzie is an imaginary friend and shares that with the rest of the BSC.  Mary Anne laughs and agrees that a foreign dignitary would never move to Stoneybrook.  Remember that when the line of tv stars, famous authors and FBI agents start moving in.

The wedding approaches, Mary Anne and Dawn decide to share a room at the new place and Jeff arrives, calling Richard “sir” all the time.  Hmm, I wonder why that could be?  Maybe because the last time Jeff was around Sharon was still dating the Trip Man and Richard was just another guy in the dating rotation.  This whole wedding happened very quickly without a lot of notice to anyone, much less the kids.  They weren't even going to tell Granny and Pop-Pop.  I'm not touching that one with a 10 foot pole.

On the wedding day, Claudia comes over and does Mary Anne’s makeup for the wedding.  You know, this book focuses a lot on Mary Anne and Dawn; I kind of miss the other club members, especially Claudia.  We only get one really good Claudia outfit in this book.  Anyway, they all arrive at the church, Mary Anne cries her makeup off during the ceremony and the Pike triplets and Jeff giggle at a naked angel.  Seriously, it’s not the 1500’s; who puts naked angels in a church in this day and age? 

Everyone heads out to Chez Maurice (boy, they get a lot of clientele during this book) and Dawn gives Mary Anne a now-we’re-sisters present, cheering her up a bit as the prospect of one last night in her house has gotten Mary Anne down.  Then it’s time for the throwing of the bouquet…

Thus concludes my take on this book.  It is jam packed full of, well, crabby children and inept parents.  Just another day in the BSC neighborhood!

#31 Dawn's Wicked Stepsister

Hi all!  My name is Tory and this is my snark.  I picked this book because it was my absolute favorite as a kid (you should see my copy…it’s held together by tape and rubber bands) and I can kind of relate to it now since I have a blended family, although my stepsons aren’t bitchy teenaged girls. J  Let’s get to it, shall we? 

This book continues from the end of the previous book, which ends with Sharon tossing her bouquet.  So, we’re leaping, leaping, leaping for the bouquet and Mary Anne catches it!  Hooray!  Dawn is righteously angry since it is her mother’s bouquet and she should have caught it.  Why but of course, Dawn, it should be yours.  Anyway, she gets into the spirit of things and congratulates her new sister and segues into the description of the great romance between her mom and Richard and how they ended up getting married.  Her musings are ended when Sharon and Richard leave for their honeymoon and their 13-year-old daughters head to the Spier house to spend the night alone. Mommy Moment: Seriously?!  You are going to let your 13 year old daughters spend the night alone at your house? Really??  But then, Criminal Minds and Law & Order SVU weren’t on yet to scare parents out of their ever loving minds. 

The next morning MA and Dawn wake up early after not getting much sleep (um, duh?) and everyone arrives to help move.  Of course, Claudia comes over and gushes about MA moving, starting the train of tears that only gets worse as neighbors come over bringing food and best wishes as the movers cart boxes of clothing and cleaning supplies out of the house to the moving van.  Then they sail away on MA’s river of tears to the Schafer house to let the unpacking begin.  Mommy Moment: I would think it easier on all parties to combine their assets and buy a new house.  Then it doesn’t feel like one side is giving up everything and it makes adjusting easier for the kids.  In the previous book, the girls decided they should share a room together, but Dawn is starting to regret it.  MA hops around, annoying the movers as she shrieks for them to watch out for Tigger, who is meowing and wandering around the house. Common Sense Moment: Lock the cat in the bathroom and set those boxes outside the door; that’s what we did when we moved.  Problem solved.

By Sunday MA seems to be done moping and she and Dawn decide to swap clothes for school Monday.  Jeff leaves, but he confides to Dawn that he thinks the new family has trouble ahead.  Mommy Moment:  Whenever you combine two families who have their own way of doing things, there is an adjustment period and it doesn’t always go smoothly.  The adults in this book could have done a better job of preparing their kids for this. 

Monday doesn’t start so well, with Dawn tripping over Tigger and laughing at MA for shrieking about the bean sprouts in the refrigerator.  I would laugh too, in all honesty, to see someone shrieking about things in a refrigerator.  And I’ve seen some nasty junk growing, believe me.  So, being laughed at puts MA in a bad mood and they’re both crabby at the meeting.  Mallory leaves the meeting sick and there starts the subplot of the Pike plague, with Mal having chicken pox.

On Wednesday, they look over the record book to rebook Mal’s sitting jobs and there is a job for the sainted Perkins girls.  Dawn and MA are the only ones available and they both want the job, because who wouldn’t want to sit for the future Nobel prize winners living in humble Stoneybrook.  Then MA pulls out the “I-had-to-move-from-my-childhood-home-you-look-fat-in-my-skirt” line which culminates in Kristy breaking them up and having them draw straws.  MA gets the job and gloats it up.  When she comes home from the job a few nights later, she has the gall to sit on Dawn’s bed and say, “well, aren’t you going to ask me how the job went?” which really means “I have spent the last two days gloating and being snotty and now I have a cute story to share and I’m going to pretend I haven’t been acting bitchy.”  Of course Dawn bites and they are friends again.

We take a time out for a sitting job with Claudia at the Pike’s place.  Mal is sequestered in her room with the pox and the triplets are at the doctor.  The remaining kids play ER until the Mrs. Pike comes home and announces the boys have pneumonia.  This has been part 2 of the Pike Plague.

The next time we see Dawn, she is complaining about not liking weekends anymore because MA and Richard ruin it.  It seems instead of working to combine their lifestyles, Richard and Sharon just kind of exist and then argue.  Sharon is, well, a slob and Richard is a neat freak.  Sharon is a vegetarian, Richard is a carnivore.  Mommy Moment: Richard and Sharon, you are the adults, you are the parents.  Unfortunately for you, the honeymoon is over and you need to get this figured out.  My husband and I talked a lot before we got married so the transition was (slightly) easier for the kids.  The problems come to a head one Saturday when Richard wants to “spring clean” and Sharon wants to shop.  So they decide to clean, which Sharon does half heartedly.  MA follows her around with a dustbuster, which makes Dawn mad.  She decides to get revenge by switching Richard’s socks, which drives him nuts. Sorry, there’s organized and then there’s OCD.  When socks out of order drives you nuts, you might want to seek some professional help.  Just sayin’.  They have a nice dinner (take-out), which is ruined with a disagreement about when to clean up.  Richard and MA clean, Dawn and Sharon watch TV.  Then MA goes to make a dramatic exit which is ruined by Tigger puking on the rug, which irritates Sharon (who doesn’t like cats in the first place).  I always laugh at this part because cat puke is pretty gross and watching a cat puke is worse.

The fighting just gets worse and the following Friday is a dance at school, which Dawn isn’t going to because no one asked her.  Passive aggressive MA snots about having Logan and throws this lovely gem over her shoulder as she breezes out the door, “Don’t think of yourself as someone who can’t get a date, okay?  It isn’t healthy.”  Nice.  If my sister said that to me, she wouldn’t be able to get a date in the future either. Dawn comforts herself by calling Jeff (her real brother), then going to bed.  When MA comes in, she flips on the light and starts calling for Tigger, which wakes Dawn up.  Then MA tells her about the dance and simpers that she should have come even if she didn’t have a date.  For real, woman.  Yes, if this happened to me, my sister would have been pinned to the floor being pummeled for waking me up in the middle of the night.  But Dawn just loves her and starts to feel she’s her real sister again.  Barf.

Again we break to the Pike place, where Stacy is sitting today.  By this time Nicky has re-broken his previously broken finger (#14) plus two more, so he’s down for the count.  The Pikes are going to a tennis match they had expensive tickets for and don’t want to waste. Mommy Moment: I understand the need to get out of the house and away from sick kids and I think the Pikes get a bit of a bad rap in this book in other snarks.  I’m not sure I would feel comfortable leaving my kids, but if they can get a break to be recharged and refreshed to deal with their sick and injured brood, go for it.  While Stacy is sitting Vanessa crashes her bike and ends up with a severely sprained ankle.  This has been part 3 of the Pike Plague.

We rejoin Dawn feeling lonely as she waits alone at Claudia’s for the rest of the BSC to come for their meeting.  MA is hanging out with Kristy, and while this is normal, Dawn feels a little left out.  ~Sniff ~sniff …it’s understandable considering she and MA are supposed to be besties and sissies.  When MA and Kristy arrives, Dawn gets the cold shoulder from her sis, even when MA announces the For Sale sign is gone from her house. So of course Dawn works her hiney off trying to get MA to love her again and thinks she succeeds until the end of the meeting, when MA sets up a sleepover with Kristy the next weekend.  Zing!  Dawn is back to feeling left out.

Still, she’s nice to MA all evening as they settle down for homework.  It turns out Dawn needs music to concentrate, MA needs silence and after a few requests for silence, they begin to argue about who should leave so they can get their work done.  They begin to scream at each other loud enough to beckon Sharon and Richard.  Sharon sides with MA; Richard sides with Dawn. Mommy Moment: I sided with the boys once after we were married and I never did that again.  The hubby and I present a united front, not sides, and the boys know they can’t split us on issues.  Richard and Sharon – present a united front!  MA plays the martyr and announces she’s sleeping in the guest room before huffing out.

Last installment of the Pike Plague.  Jessi and Kristy head over to the Pike’s house to help Mallory (who is better) care for her family.  Claire and Margo have developed bronchitis, Mrs. Pike injured her knee playing tennis (with the way things had been trending, did she not read the signs and see any physical activity would likely end in disaster??) and Mr. Pike severely burned his hand making dinner and had spent most of the night in the ER.  So they called the BSC for some sitters/cooks/cleaners for the day. Mommy Moment: Lucky ducks.  If this happened to me, I’d be on crutches taking care of all the kids.  That’s all I have to say about that. 

After her day with the Pikes is over, Kristy stops and picks up MA, who has just informed Dawn that she’ll be moving back in with her on Sunday.  YAY!  Goody!  I love my sister!! No, Dawn wants MA out.  Actually, she talked to Kristy about how things were going with MA the day after the fight.  Kristy (being EXTREMELY mature) doesn’t take sides, but just gives Dawn good advice about blending a family, her main point being everyone needs space (emotional and physical).  Mommy Moment: Richard and Sharon, you knew people who blended families.  Why didn’t you talk to them about this before you got married?  You could have helped your kids out (although how much do teens listen…). I was a single, flaky chick, but I knew enough to talk to someone before I got married to a man with two kids. Just sayin’.    Dawn spends the afternoon thinking about how they’re struggling to be a new family and all the fights they’ve had and how things haven’t really been working as a whole.  She looks around her room, sees how little space there is and realizes she and MA need their own rooms.  But she can’t just kick MA out…then she sees the secret passage and the idea of getting revenge AND having MA decide on her own to move out sprouts in her mind.  She spends the rest of the week plotting and planning, including the poor Pike family in her revenge strategy.  So after MA leaves on Saturday, Dawn gets the preparations for Operation: Scare MA ready.

Boo-Boo Alert: Although Charlie is driving Kristy, Dawn says hi to Sam when they stop to pick up MA.  Nowhere is it mentioned that he’s along for the ride.

This is my absolute favorite part of the book.  Maybe because I’m a little passive aggressive myself and I’d probably do this too.  Dawn’s preparations are ready and she is antsy for Monday to be over.  During dinner that evening, she sneaks into the kitchen, dials the operator and has the phone ring.  Oh noes!  The Pikes are pooped and need help, so Dawn will go over when Sharon and Richard leave for their PTA meeting.  Or will she???  She doubles back, goes into the passage and creeps close to her room.  She throws some acorns at the wall, wobbles an old saw and plays “The Howling Winds” Halloween tape.  Then she does doorbell dash.  While MA is checking the door, she sneaks into the room through the passage and lays a silk rose on MA’s desk.  MA screams when she sees the rose, almost making Dawn scream too.  She waits 15 minutes, rings the doorbell again and runs through the passage to the room.  This time she leaves a chicken bone on MA’s desk and sneaks back into the passage, making sure not to latch the door all the way.  MA sees the bone and starts screaming again.  Common Sense Moment: I never went to med school but I defy you to find a chicken bone that looks anything like a finger bone.  I would have looked at it and said, "oh, a chicken bone" not "oh, a finger bone."  Dawn starts slowly opening the secret passage door, prompting more screaming and MA runs from the room in terror.  Dawn climbs into the room, grabs the bone and rose, and heads out of the barn to the house.  MA is clutching Tigger, scared out of her mind and assures Dawn that the passage is haunted and she will not sleep another night in that room.  They move MA into the guest room and Dawn gives her the “now we’re sisters” present she had for her.

Boo-Boo Alert: Dawn gave MA a “now we’re sisters” present in the previous book and MA decided to give one to Dawn.  As things stand, MA has gotten two presents and Dawn none.

Dawn and MA are getting along better now that they are in separate rooms and Richard (finally!) proposes a chore chart so that instead of arguing, things just get done.  Sharon suggests that they make a bunch of vegetarian and carnivorous food on the weekends and freeze it to be thawed and eaten during the week.  Dawn suggests they be more honest with each other, especially about likes and dislikes, instead of tiptoeing around and pretending things are okay.  Mommy Moment:  My husband sat the boys down right after we got married and we talked about this kind of stuff.  I don’t get why Richard and Sharon just pretended everything was perfect instantly and didn’t communicate anything to each other or their kids.

At the Friday BSC meeting, MA and Dawn announce the house has been sold to a family that is from a foreign country!  (And thus begins the parade of interesting people that move to/visit Stoneybrook).  Mal is back and announces that the Pike plague is over.  Kristy daydreams about new sitting charges.  All in all, a good meeting.  Dawn and MA head home to find Sharon sitting on the couch with Tigger in her lap purring.  What do you know?  This whole blended family thing might work out after all!

I really liked this book as a kid because a) I wanted to be a doctor and the Pike plague intrigued me, b) I thought the secret passage haunting was hilarious, albeit rather mean and c) I hated MA, could never relate to her in her books.  As I look back on it as a mommy, eesh.  What the heck were Richard and Sharon doing anyway?  Dawn?  Scaring the snot out of your sister was not the best way to get her to move out. If you had just sat down and talked about it, you both would have realized it’s for the best if you have separate rooms.  (In case you can’t tell, I’m big into communication.  Used to get paid to do it. J)  I still enjoy this book, but the mommy in me cringes every time I read it!